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soliloquy

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beauty & the beast [09 Apr 2004|12:01pm]
ladies & gentlemen, allow me to inform you that...

it is turning ugly

CUE: "i see your true colours" by cyndi lauper FADE OUT

looks like the last curtain call
tastes like too much penicillin
smells like vomit
feels like a heart attack

CUE: "i never really liked you anyway" by the corrs FADE OUT

ignorance is spelled with a pre-broken heart
denial is spelled with a broken heart
truth is spelled with a post-broken heart

CUE: "raindrops keep falling on my head" FADE OUT

chase the dragon,
burn the grass,
everybody's on an 'e'!
i merely swallowed the ashes...

CLOSING CUE: the "lalalalalala" happytreefriends.com track
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i'm quite fucked, you know [09 Apr 2004|11:46am]
i was feeling very down when an email came with pictures of TROY cast members attached. They are:

1. brad pitt looking gay, brad pitt in shoulder-length blonde hair, bad boy brad pitt, brad pitt cross-legged
2. orlando bloom looking his usual sexy self
3. eric bana not in a green suit

certain men make me happy in a superficial sort of way
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[01 Mar 2004|12:07pm]
pls tell me you don't find this funny.

http://www.happytreefriends.com
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muaks! [12 Feb 2004|03:45pm]
"It is, therefore, necessary that the man be taller than the woman. The psychological reason for this is that he must always give the impression of being his woman's superior, both mentally and especially physically. The physical reason, with which we are more concerned, is that if he is taller than his woman, he is better able to kiss her. He must be able to sweep her into his strong arms, and tower over her, and look down into her eyes, and cup her chin in his fingers and then, bend over her face and plant his eager, virile lips on the moist, slighted parted, inviting ones." -- hugh morris, the art of kissing
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[27 Jan 2004|12:32am]
guess what? im moving to the room next door. hee hee.
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completed [27 Jan 2004|12:30am]
190104 - 220104

waking and waiting

between a sliced dimension
my skin times a revelation
yellow from smoke, pale in the choke

my morning started on a sour
the sun eyeballs from hot plate
as i rise from the underground belly
such is the politics of the horizon

you gave me paper bags
for my belongings
that's hardly space!
but you raised your voice
and you arouse feminine fire

blandly it hung from your tip
for the wait; i have been waiting
since your presence knows to prickle
but so does allusions

the mind that occupies between us
is the same, but when we wake or wait,
wait and wake, it grew selfish pauses

then it came, like a crack breathing in
as i know it would, just as it is

and i would gladly shut my eyes again
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table for five [27 Jan 2004|12:29am]
he fidgets next to her
she is across him, cross-legged
he lies next to the man
who positions himself close by me

we would like to think all are seated

the man opposite me is the Keeper
but nobody knows it yet
he breathes in the night
and listens through a keyhole
at the same time forgetting where it is

the woman next to him is the Order
we identified that through her silence

across her is the genderless Dreamer
whose enemy is reality
there is pain in his fantasy
and love in his nightmares

on my right is the Stranger
we know everything about him
except the cold, hard truth

on his left is the Chaos
we figured that out quite early on

to be honest, we are quite endless too
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[27 Jan 2004|12:28am]
that virgin moment
of slippery lips
hungry as poetry

fear punctuated
the ripeness of
our longing

trembling
like two dots
on blank paper

touching
with unspoken
hesitations

you kissed the way
i want my words to
escape
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a note from a piece of chocolate [13 Jan 2004|11:20am]
Those who live for love live for ever. -- Emile Verhaeren
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found this, dated 29072002 [04 Jan 2004|12:14am]
DELICATE

say, say it again
feels like yesterday
but it's easy to forget
this porcelain beauty

try one more time
i was lost the first,
second and third time
you never really know

you never really know
when it breathes
when it lives
this pipe dream

like a newborn
a faint flicker
not of mortal
surviving on a spark

never an answer
though it seems
but what care
you're totally untold

you're totally untold
it is made of teardrops,
pleasure and dubiety
from the beginning

and the end is never really.
parallel? existential?
a new beginning?
can you be swept twice

feel, feel it again
say it like tomorrow
it's easy to miss
this pale baby
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missing esther [14 Dec 2003|10:51pm]
as far as she’s concerned,
it’s unfinished
never

death couldn’t harm her
life takes a turn
every time

love, it’s enormous
arriving and departing
surely around

like the taste of vulnerability
we all know too well
the desperation

you feel it in December
you embrace it in January
and forget too soon

who is this new neighbour
waiting by the window
insisting on memory space

he moves like yesterday,
enters like tomorrow
cloaked in false departures

now i am silent
i do not speak
of fear, of obsession

i am unlike you, unlike your naivety
sweet as mid-February air
full of the future

i remain the apparition
you knew not of
full of the past

for December comes
and January i turn
with or without you
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[31 Aug 2003|01:07pm]
it started off with a careless need. followed by a longing for strange touches. which created a comfort zone. a delusional glass bubble. then curiosity stepped in. to make matters worse, the familiarity shifted. the jigsaw revealed its puzzle. framed for the scrutiny. ah.

it is something i couldnt talk about. makes me wonder why.

i need to understand a few things:

1. demanding
2. selfish
3. opinionated
4. head strong
5. stubborn
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[15 Jul 2003|12:46pm]
i am not made of steel
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soul searching [10 Jun 2003|12:41pm]
the search for one self
when does it begin
and when does it conclude

can we do it alone
or do we need someone
sometimes we find ourself in another person
yet certain things need to be discovered alone

so, where do i start?
2 comments|post comment

ahhh... [01 Jun 2003|02:37am]
the past 18 months had been like a period of hibernating starvation
no wonder i woke up soooo beast-hungry
4 comments|post comment

overnite [29 May 2003|11:47pm]
so much can be irreplaceable in a matter of a few hours:
my left ankle is permanently scarred
i find it erotic to have words on my body
what more a word i couldn't read
... don't even know if it was the correct word!
i miss my ankle
simply because it used to be so visible
and now it's so shy and unsure of itself
so imperfect
yet so erotic to myself
i like that i don't feel comfortable with it
it's like a relationship - needs time
i like when i forget it but subconsciously know that it's there
erotic-nyeeeee

*now it would be easy to find my southern limb should i lose it (touch wood!)
*so far, ive shown two people and one gave me the i-think-you-made-a-mistake look. oh well...
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THE SOBERING AGE [27 May 2003|09:04pm]
Isn't it too early to feel jaded already
since it's before the appropriate age?
You stop frowning and for that matter
smiling, because of your fear of wrinkles.
You succumb to the infomercial's promise
of a less prosperous Middle Kingdom.
You start to salvage the lost loves you forgot
But the women reassure you that they
did not see the premature graying of hair-roots.
As long as the wallet is fed. And for that reason,
you straighten your tie and remember work.

-yong shu hoong, isaac revisited
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life [04 May 2003|11:27pm]
make it a journey
travel it
living has become unbearable
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[13 Mar 2003|11:44pm]
christine, tu es tres impertinente mais aussi tres jolie!
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reading... [18 Feb 2003|01:26pm]
on to Marguerite Duras' The War

I put the phone down. I haven't moved from where I was. It's wrong to move too much, a waste of energy, you have to save all your strength to suffer.

His mouth is half open. It's evening. He thought of me before he died. The pain is so great it can't breathe, it gasps for air. Pain needs room.
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